At this moment...
10.24.05:
On my way to work I watched as a woman in an SUV rolled down her window and threw her empty cigerette box onto the street. The whole incident made me quite sad, and set the tone for the remainder of the day.
Lament
Everything is far
and long gone by.
I think that the star
glittering above me
has been dead a million years.
I think there were tears
in the car I heard pass
and something terrible was said.
A clock has stopped striking in the house
across the road...
When did it start?...
I would like to step out of my heart
and go walk beneath the enormous sky.
I would like to pray.
And surely of all the stars that perished
long ago,
one still exists.
I think I know
which one it is--
which one, at the end of its beam in the sky,
stands like a white city...
-- Rainer Maria Rilke
In Elegy Rilke asks, "Yet isn't lament a younger, descending joy?" And I think of Coltrane.
And one more poem by Rilke, and maybe even more apropos to how I've been feeling as of late...
Imaginary Career
At first a childhood, limitless and free
of any goals. Ah sweet unconsciousness.
Then sudden terror, schoolrooms, slavery,
the plunge into temptation and deep loss.
Defiance. The child bent becomes the bender,
inflicts on others what he once went through.
Loved feared, rescuer, wrestler, visitor,
he takes his vengeance, blow by blow.
And now in vast, cold, empty space, alone.
Yet hidden deep within the grown-up heart,
A longing for the first world, the ancient one...
Then, from His place of ambush, God leapt out.
10.22.05:
The sea, the sea...
Autumn, my favorite season.
This is just an odd sight. My guess is that somebody had a balancing contest.
10.21.05:
10.20.05:
As I type the I can see the Atlantic Ocean. I feel alive.
This past July my parents purchased a Bed & Breakfast in Camden, Maine. Camden is a small coastal village about an hour and a half north of Portland. Last night we flew into Manchester, New Hampshire. Manchester is a three hour drive from Camden. We didn't arrive at the house until around two. I'm told one of the rooms is haunted.
These paintings were discovered in the attic.
The previous owners left a lot of crap, and a lot of old booze.
And the B&B (Timber Cliffe Cottage)...
Part of the B&B dates back to 1860. There are six bedrooms, and something like 4,800 sq. feet. It needs quite a bit of work before opening, which is planned for something in the Spring of 2006. I'll be out here again in November for Thanksgiving (driving out here, and then flying back), and then back for two weeks at Christmas time.
10.19.05:
In the Oct/Nov. 2005 issue of Magnet there's an interview with Daniel Lanois. Near the end of the interview, the interviewer says:
"...Hearing a great song over the grocery-store loudspeaker at 2 a.m. when you're buying cereal hurts the song and hurts the cereal-buying. It's jarring."
To which Lanois replies:
"You're talking about the sacred. But it's too late. I wish I'd been born 30 years earlier, when you had to go out and buy a record and you didn't hear music everywhere. In a way, music is less special now."
And I'd say that I agree.
Listening to:
Feels - Animal Collective (Should make my Top 10 of 2005.)
Multiples & Playthroughs - Keith Fullerton Whitman
Foreign Land & Frozen Pools - Christina Rosenvinge
10.18.05:
And yet, another autumn night. The almost full moon sits unattainable in the distance as children laugh and dance around a waterless fountain. What's next to the moon?
Ambulance sirens call out. More sirens. Sirens remind me of how we approached the inevitable. We'd hear them together and we'd know.
After work I walked around a bookstore. I've been avoiding bookstores. All those books. I could get lost. Still, that half hour that I spent wandering around was the most relaxing time I've had all day
Tomorrow I am off to Maine. I'm thankful to be leaving Illinois for a few days. I'm burnt out. I tell people I'm burnt out and they look at me like I'm crazy. I've given up on being honest in an environment that takes honesty and politicizes it. Maybe I need to succumb to mediocrity. My passion will be my lack of passion.
And how was your day?
My dreams, even though I don't recall them when I brush the sleep from my eyes, are better than my waking moments. At least my dreams don't fill me with brief moments of anxiety.
Song:
Ol '55 - Tom Waits
10.17.05:
Autumn. Full moon. Boards of Canada. In the oven is an apple clafouti. It smells amazing. Now that it's cool outside I can cook again.
I've been working at getting the old me back, or at least the creative/weird/funny me that was starting to disappear. I'm not sure what was going on, but there was a piece of me that I lost. I'm not sure where I lost it, but in an odd way I've felt like I've been living outside of myself, as if I've been watching me from afar. Maybe the fall has rejuvenated me.
I've been listening to the untitled EP that Zerostars has been working on since late January of this year. Initially we only planned on recording three songs. However, that all changed when Mark told the band that it was no longer financially viable for him to be a member. With Mark out of the picture we completed a fourth song that he recorded drums for before leaving the band. Since then we've been trying to find a permanent drummer. I'm utterly amazed at the lack of talented drummers in Chicago. Or maybe all the talented drummers are taken? Regardless, we're still without a drummer, so what do we do? Record another song, but this time with Garret behind the kit, and not just behind the mixing board. And damn, it's utterly brilliant, and totally unlike anything that we've ever done. After that we begin yet another search for a drummer who can at least count to eight. Yet even that proves to be difficult. Seriously, if you can't count to eight, or you can't play a waltz, you have no right to call yourself a drummer. In the meantime Jason writes a brilliant new track, so we decide to head back into the studio to record again. Which leads me to why I'm writing this nonsense. I've been listening to the new song a lot. It's a glorious pop song, and in some strange way Jason's lyric taps into where I've been lately. But that's exactly what a good piece of art is supposed to do.
Song(s):
Wedding - Annie
Song of a Wishwanderer - Vashti Bunyan
Sweet Child O Mine (Mylo Radio Edit) - Flatpack
Summer's Gone - Aberfeldy
10.16.05:
Tonight Caffrey made a surprise appearance at my apartment.
And she brought my parents as well. And my parents brought a pizza. I supplied the wine, and some leftover pear clafouti and vanilla bean ice cream.
It was nice to cook up a full dinner. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Moody for joining me last night.
Oh, and please feel free to rollover the above image. I almost never do rollovers, but I was feeling bored.
10.15.05:
10.14.05:
Tonight I made the base for vanilla ice cream. In the oven baking is a pear clafouti. It smells amazing. Still trying to figure out the main course for tomorrow.
Song:
Dad's Dress - Zerostars (I'm not sure if I've ever picked a song by Zerostars. Garret sent us an mp3 of Dad's Dress -- at least that's the working title -- and it sounds amazing. Garret added a glockenspiel part that elevates the entire song to brilliant status. Plus, I love Mikey's lead parts. And Jason has never sounded better and more confident.)
10.13.05:
Four days later and I got myself out running under a canopy of red and amber leaves. It felt good to get out and run. My legs were a bit tight, but the tightness went away within a few minutes. As I expected, at around mile 2.5 my legs started to feel heavy. Still, it's good to get out.
Today I booked my flight out to Maine for Christmas. It'll be weird not spending Christmas Eve at my grandma's house. Now I need to book a flight for Thanksgiving. It's going to be an odd holiday season.
Listening to:
Retreat EP - The Rakes
Unverwundbar & JeLängerJeLieber - KLEE (German pop band. All the songs are sung in German, but damn, this stuff is quite good.)
Strange Geometry - The Clientele
10.11.05:
Tuesday morning. Still a bit sore. My left leg feels better than my right, which doesn't surprise me since almost all of my injuries occur on my right side. One of these days I should get that evaluated. Hopefully I can get out on Thursday for a light run.
Listening to:
Nolita - Keren Ann
Magic and Loss - Lou Reed
10.09.05:
I am a runner.
Thanks to my dad for taking the photos, thanks to my mom for shouting out my name as I wandered aimlessly like a zombie after the run, and thanks to both of my parents for supporting me today, and thanks to my dad for helping me to become a runner.
Running is an equalizer. While I may never win, or even aspire to win, a marathon, I can compete on the same course as world class runners. No other sport allows you to compete against the pros.
Two marathons, at least 28 more to go. I promised myself that I'd run at least one marathon a year, starting at 30, until I'm 60. Not that I'll give up when I'm 60, it's just a goal. Ideally I'd like to run two marathons a year.
While I didn't do as good as lat year, I still finished the run. Being sick two weeks prior didn't help, and re-injuring my right foot this pastTuesday didn't make matters better. Until mile 13 I was on pace for a 04:30 finish time, and then my legs decided to crap out again. I ran two 20 mile runs prior to the marathon, and not once did my legs decided that they wanted to rebel. Eithert way, I'll be back in 2006. And while I'm looking forward to a few days of no runnning, I'm still excited to get back out and start running as soon as my body heals, because right now, my legs feel like they're both in vices.
10.08.05:
Without paying much attention I managed to hit the 800 mile mark for the year. Quite happy and it's given me a nice big boost. This morning I ran a light two miles. I'd like to think I'm physically, as well as mentally, prepared for the marathon.
Listening to:
Rock & Roll Singer - Mark Kozelek
Quiet is the New Loud - Kings of Convenience
Riot on an Empty Street - Kings of Convenience
Something Else By The Kinks - The Kinks
10.05.05:
"Buy this car to drive to work / Drive to work to pay for this car / Buy this car to drive to work..." -- Metric's Handshake
10.04.05:
On Sunday, after Jason finished recording some vocals and a bit of guitar, we started talking about music, and why mainstream American alternative music doesn't really speak to us. I remember making some comment that I don't really understand angry music, and that maybe it's because I'm getting older. Then, this morning, as I was driving to work I was listening to the new Franz Ferdinand, and I decided that European bands are far more sexier than American bands. And not just sexier, but more cultured, and dare I say, fashionable. And European bands come across as less inhibited, and maybe the most important quality that they lack is a sense of irony. Look what happened to U2 when they tried to embrace irony. They flopped. Maybe irony is a pretense. Just some thoughts on an otherwise blah day.
Listening to:
Witching Hour - Ladytron
Armed Love - The (International) Noise Conspiracy
Candy Ass - Mark Eitzel
Live It Out - Metric
You Could Have It So Much Better - Franz Ferdinand
10.03.05:
mu·se·um·go·er (my ¡ -z ê¹e m-g o´e r) noun
1. A visitor to a museum. One who visits museums frequently.
I am a museumgoer of my own nostalgia.
Reading over some older writings I begin to think that maybe I've lost myself. Humor is a bowl full of Swedish Fish speaking philosophy to one another. It's all condensed mushroom soup. Maybe it's a perfect day for bananafish.
10.02.05:
Every so often I manage to brew a perfect pot of coffee. Then again, maybe I brew a perfect pot more often than I am aware, but since I usually add a drop or two of milk I can't distinguish the full body of a perfect pot. This morning I ran out of milk, so no milk for my coffee. Hence the perfect pot of coffee that I've been enjoying while listening to Ulrich Schnauss. Then again, maybe I've been craving black coffee.
Yesterday, after I ran, I started to feel like crap again. It felt good to run, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, my body needed to run. So I did an easy three, and it felt good. However, as the day progressed I started to feel like garbage, and by mid afternoon I felt like I felt earlier in the week. So, I decided it's best to take a couple more days off. I do feel better, but my goal is to make it to the starting line for the Chicago Marathon next weekend.
Since Zerostars is still without a drummer we decided to record yet another song that Jason wrote. With the exception of Mikey's guitar parts and backing vox the song is done. Here are a few photos from the recording session...
Listening to:
A Strangely Isolated Place - Ulrich Schnauss
If We Meet in the Future - Saloon
In Solarium - Pia Fraus
The Complete Columbia Recordings 1955-1961 (Disc 1) - Miles Davis and John Coltrane
10.01.05:
